so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
