dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
