Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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