I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
