because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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