Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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