I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
