I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
