Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
