i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
