If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
