exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
