Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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