U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
