i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
