I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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