do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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