I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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