so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Alive.
So much puke
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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