Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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