The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
