I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
