Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
