Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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