my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
