Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
