a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
