We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i believe in u and ur pee
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
