i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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