you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
