Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
