tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
