I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
