Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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