If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
