Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
