I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
