i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
