i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
