i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
