Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
