im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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