so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
