I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
two words: eviction party
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
