found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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