I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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