Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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