so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
