first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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