Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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