Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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