I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
